How Can You Say “Sorry” and Really Mean It? 

Too often we just say the words “I'm sorry” and expect that to be good enough. It's not. There are some very important steps to take for a truly heartfelt apology to be effective. Here's how ... 

ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG — The first and most important step is to admit that you have done something wrong. To say you are sorry without admit your wrongdoing is empty and the injured party will not believe you. 

ACKNOWLEDGE THE DAMAGE DONE — The second important step is to acknowledge the injury you have caused to the other person(s).  Have you hurt their feelings, damaged property, and caused them some difficulty? Be specific and tell them that you know what you did to them. 

ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES — Accept complete responsibility for what you did as well as the consequences. The consequences could be personal, financial or something else. Take your part and learn from it. Don't try to turn it around at this point and look for their part in the problem (if any) or try to get them to say they're sorry. This is about YOU and YOUR actions, not theirs. 

ASK FOR FORGIVENESS — Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. That is something that few people can truly do. It means, “I give up my right to hurt you back or hold this over you in the future”.

CHANGE BEHAVIOR IN THE FUTURE —  Assure them that you will make the proper changes in the future and that you should keep this problem from happening again. Words with no action are pretty meaningless. If you promise to change, and the other person sees you change, you can repair your relationship and rebuild trust.

怎样道歉才是由衷之言?

我们常常只是说出“对不起”这几个字就觉得足够了。其实并非如此。要使真正发自内心的道歉产生效果，还有几个非常重要的步骤要完成。下面就是一些该做的：

承认你错了——第一步也是最重要的一步就是承认你做错了事。光说你对不起却不认错，这是空话，受伤害的一方并不会相信你。

承认所造成的损害——第二个重要的步骤是承认自己给别人造成的伤害。你是不是伤了人家的感情？弄坏了人家的东西？还是给人家造成了某些困难？一定要具体并且告诉人家你知道自己对他们做错了什么。

承担后果——对自己所做的事及其后果负全责。后果可能是涉及人身的，可能是经济上的，也可能是别的伤害。要承担自己的责任并引以为鉴。不要试图在此时想方设法去翻案，寻找别人在这个问题上的责任（如果有的话），或试图让对方说抱歉。这是你和你的行为而不是他们的行为所造成的。

请求原谅——原谅并不意味忘记。原谅是很少有人能真正做到的事，它的意思是：“我放弃今后报复你或用它来威胁你的权利”。

以后会改过——向人家保证你将来会认真改正错误且不会让类似问题再度发生。光说不做是毫无意义的。如果你答应改过，而对方又看到了你的改变，你就可以修复同对方的关系，重建信任。